Super great conversation with Maggie today. She’s great <3 I’m happy I’m friends with her especially since I’ve only really known her since last year in math and stuff. I’m sure I bored her to death with all the talking about you I did. I think she gets it though.

Anyway, I can’t even believe what happened in VHS. Like, it was going great and we were joking and chatting and you weren’t really trying to even do work and then the whole obvious display of low self esteem happens and I’m like… what no. You are literally sooo much more marry-able than echan, like the come the fuck on. I sounded so terrible and vain saying that. I want to apologize about it somehow or make you forget it even happened. I just want to understand you and understand why you think that you’re not amazing and wonderful. Also how you could not have gotten the hint that I like you by now. And I also, I just want to know about you in general. Like everything. I mean it. The good and the bad, your childhood, the NHS thing, your family, your friends-everything. I also want to date you and more importantly, to date you in such a way that you would have time for me and be a good boyfriend. I know you could be. I know you could be thoughtful and romantic and spontaneous if you really tried and wanted to. You have a willpower and work ethic unlike anyone else’s. I mean at this point even asian asians are like “screw this, fuck second semester, yeah seniorrrs.” But you’re still trucking through, freaking out about non existent poetry quizzes. I think part of the problem is you might be one of those people who always has to be busy. And that’s why you do so much. I am sooo not one of those people. Right now, all I want to do is watch House Hunters, Mad Men and Lost for hours and hours and make food. I wonder if you could ever relax enough to do that. Maybe over the summer.

I really do think that we could be good together if we tried. I know most people probably couldn’t see that being true though. Mostly because no one even knows we’re friends basically. But really, we both want to do business, I’ve spent a ton of time with you over the past year and I don’t hate you/you don’t drive me crazy yet. Which has to count for something. Most people I’ve told don’t get it. They don’t see our personalities working together, you’re so serious and focused and I’m “bubbly.” I guess I can see that we’re different in some ways but I wouldn’t want to date myself, so it’s not that big of a deal. Also, I think you’re really funny and I love laughing and joking with you. I obviously don’t like arguing with you but we would argue a lot because we’re both very stubborn. I just don’t want to look dumb in front of you or want you to get mad at me. If we knew each other better, I’d probably enjoy arguing with you, since it’s something that I’ve always done and I’m pretty good at. I want you to be comfortable around me, I’m pretty sure you are but I think you’ve kind of forgotten how to interact socially and you’re not fully comfortable talking to girls like I’m not fully comfortable talking to boys. I wish I could just tell you. I was standing so close to you today when we were watching that video, I could have leaned over and kissed you. Your hand was so close to mine when you were helping me with calc, I could have reached over and held your hand. I wonder if you think about me like I think about you. If you felt that tension like I did. I wish you would. I wish you loved me as much as I love you. I wish you had better self confidence and I wish you could see you like I see you.

Anyway, I love you and I hope you chat me tonight about VHS,

Me